Today’s guest post comes from Beth Sciallo of The Art of Encouragement and Beth Sciallo’s Blog. I’ve known Beth as an encouraging commenter for a while, and I was humbled to see myself in her beautiful, catch-you-right-where-you-are post; it’s my pleasure to offer you the same opportunity for reflection. –Tamára
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The silence of the drive is almost too much. We are together and apart in the same vehicle. Close quarters make for intimate conversations, but I am not for talking. I can’t. Because every time I try to express what’s going on inside, I just leak and sunglasses will not hide that torrent. I hit the pedal to the metal and turn up the worship music, drowning out his quiet intimations. Generic words about changing scenery get me through the last few miles and up the driveway. But then I have to stop. Stop the motor, stop the music, stop the motions…
I bolt out of the car before he has a chance to reach me– spinning round as if to evade his grasp. He wants to talk but I fear the loss of my self-made shoring all too risky for that exchange.
Let me hold you.
No.
He meets me round the other side of the car as I try to quickstep through the front door.
Why?
Because it hurts to have my humanity held up against your majesty… holiness… beauty.
The words sound like a slap in the face, but I cannot lie to him. So I lie to myself in this moment and dismiss his tender mercies as unprovoked and undeserved. I walk through the door, throw down my keys and allow the swirl of my circumstance to close the conversation.
Why do I turn toward all the things that have me sinking?
Why do I hide from the one person who knows my everything and stays despite it all?
He is waiting by the doorway for me to open up this brokenness to him. His unshakeable patience will eventually overcome my very shakeable self. And for that I am thankful, even if I cannot say so yet.
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Beth married into a missionary family and lives in Scotland with her husband, five children, and an assortment of animals– including six highland cows and a gecko named Rexi. This living arrangement means writing through the sounds of snoring and painting by the light of the moon.
Beth shares her artwork and words of encouragement at The Art of Encouragement, and she writes about the funny side of family life and explores some of its difficult journeys at Beth Sciallo’s Blog.
Thank you, Tamera! Beth’s writing is beautiful! I’m off to check out her blog!
Thank you, Kasey.
Wow. Deeply profound. “Why do I turn toward all the things that have me sinking?” … You see the depths of my heart and you love me the same. I hate that I’m so stubborn in the same vein, despite His mercies that remain. Thank you for this.
Well said. I think we sometimes inch closer as we realize the “less” we are, because He is then able to reveal the “more” He is to us and for us.
I wish I could make the “less” happen faster. It’s the shrinking process that gets tricky. This piece is so beautiful.
These battles with ourselves are so real. Thanks for writing it down.
Yes – they feel the hardest fought. You are so welcome, Sarah.
It is “funny” how easy it is to turn away from the exact thing we need and even want sometimes…
I agree. Why is that road so wide?
Nicely done, Beth. I like a question that requires me think through the answer.
Why do I hide from the one person who knows my everything and stays despite it all?
Thank you, Ken.
“Why do I hide from the one person who knows my everything and stays despite it all?” You can’t get more real than that! Great post!