A couple months ago I went to the Killer Tribes Conference, where I had my first speaking engagement. My talk was titled, “Embracing Your Niche: It’s Not as Dirty as It Sounds,” and I set out to encourage other niche writers and bloggers in what they do.
Many of you helped fund my trip, but most of you were unable to see the talk go down in all its awkward-but-still-fun first-time glory. So, at your request, I asked a friend– the ridiculously hilarious, impossibly generous Tyler Tarver– to record it, which he did (and then he edited it, all for free).
If you’ve ever heard a recording of your voice and recoiled at the awful truth it told about how you sound to the world, then you know a small fraction of the whiskey-shot-inducing mortification I felt at hearing and seeing myself giving my first professional talk. I almost didn’t share this, for real.
But you asked for it, and you’ve given me so much, so, y’all– I’m giving it up for you. I hope it’s better for you than it is for me.
Notes on Part 1:
1. What the video doesn’t show is that as soon as everyone was in the room, I gave them my trademark warning. They laughed, they stayed, and then more people came in and I had to do it all over again. D’oh.
2. Evidently I lick my teeth and lips when I get nervous. Or else I’m just hungry.
3. Clay Morgan makes an awkward cameo appearance as only he can do.
4. When I say, “I promised Bryan that I wouldn’t use any F-words,” I mean Killer Tribes founder Bryan Allain, who called me the day before the conference to add just a little addendum to the carte blanche he’d given me on my language. I don’t mean my husband Bryan; he likes my mouth.
Notes on Part 2:
1. As if to warn the audience that I’m about to become slightly unclear, the camera goes blurry for a few moments. The words that follow make me sound very mean, as though I think every blog people ask me to visit is shitty. This is not what I meant. I meant that once in a while, I will go to a blog to see why it isn’t being well read, and it turns out that it’s not well written, perhaps because that person is not really meant to be a writer. However, I also visit a lot of blogs that aren’t well read enough considering how fantastically well they’re written, like Quiet Anthem and Meet the Buttrams.
2. I try not to get emotional about my loyal readers and definitively, entirely fail. Gosh, I love you guys. Also, when I talk about your footing my bill, I don’t mention that you paid for my food there too– and I totally ate some fried pickles with Leigh Kramer.
3. CLIFF HANGER! Will Tamára come up with a big website example?! I hope so– because we are all DYING OF AWKWARDNESS.
Notes on Part 3:
1. The friend whose amazing wisdom I quote (and then everyone promptly tweets) is my dearest friend Jenny. She’s a flesh-and-blood friend, so I can’t link to her, but I can tell you that she is essential to my heart. I would not be who or where I am without her.
2. If we played a drinking game where you took a sip every time I say “you know” in this segment, we’d all be dunrk rhigt aobut now.
The Q&A Segment:
The ten minutes or so we spent on Q&A after my talk was actually some of the best stuff in my whole session. I’ve heard we might be able to get Tyler to send it over when his family’s brand-new-baby haze has cleared, but til then, if you have any questions on the talk, feel free to ask them here.
I also have a few questions of my own:
What nervous ticks do you have? How many times did I say “you know” in video 3? What other conferences should I invite myself to speak at? (I promise I won’t frog it up with weird licks and incessant “you know”-ing. It was my first time– I’ll get better.)
I’m glad you posted the video, and don’t worry about over-critiquing yourself. I’m very happy that my classroom sessions aren’t recorded; I’d probably be mortified and vow never to teach again.
Now that you mention it, I’m taking this as an invitation to sit in your class. Thank you.
Love! Can’t wait to watch, and see if the video matches up to my memories of actually being there. I gotta say, though, I sat audience right and it’s already kinda weird watching 15 seconds from a totally different angle
So glad you were there for real!
Thank you for posting this, Tamara!
As a fledgling new blogger with all of 40 views on my site today (35 of them probably being my mom), I’ve wondered why I do it in the past. I have only been doing it for a short while, but you have just confirmed why I have to continue – I love writing, even if no one reads it, because that’s the gift that I honour my Maker with.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: You’re such a cool chick – and your nervousness was endearing more than anything else, you know?
Thanks for the inspiration!
Aw, thanks. I’m glad it inspired you, you know?
Can’t wait! I know it will be awesome.
Thanks– hope you like it!
Great job! Thanks for working up the courage to share. =)
Thanks, Bethany.
I absolutely loved your message to honor one’s gift and one’s Maker. Your words were exactly what I needed to hear right now, and I’m so very thankful that you shared your speech. It’s kind of interesting, but I have read several blogs in the past two three days that go back to what you were saying about developing your craft/gift and not to focus on the numbers. Developing is the stage that I am in right now…. slowly, but surely!
You definitely have a talent with the words, and personally I like that you drop the f-bomb, periodically; sometimes life is just “frogged”!
So glad you’re getting encouraged and confirmed in what you need to be doing!
And yeah, I like a good F-word now and then too.
What an authentic and sincere voice you have. I think there is such a rawness in talking, even in person more vividly than writing, about the most intimate part of yourself and your faith. Thank you for your bravery. I have done years of speaking but I realized as I listened to you that I only touch on the personal, anecdotally. Most of it has been about integrative therapies for trauma, yoga, or contemplative prayer and so are intrinsically “”professional” rather than personal. I would say talking on international adoptee identity is probably the closest and most intimate speaking experience I have done. And it is very different than talking about the history of mysticism or words like psychobiology and neurobiology of trauma . Again, I am grateful to have heard your voice and feel your wit and authenticity come across. It is a very hard thing to be so intimate and so public—and you did it great! I would never have thought it was your first time. I think you have found not only your literary niche but your speaking niche as well ! Oh, and I think everyone who speaks and listens to it after hates their own voice—I can’t stand mine !
Thanks, TB. I definitely liked the small, intimate setting. I think I’ll always request a stool to hang out on.
To answer your question, my face twitches when I am really nervous — found this out because I was interviewed on the local news once about my research and my eyes were literally shaking. Thankfully, it sort of looked like I must be reading a cue card. I have only once been told that I was like that teaching class, and it was a class I was teaching for the first time and which involved material that was not my strongest expertise. First couple of days were rough. When I am talking about something I know, I do fine.
Now that you know you can do it, and that you have something to say, I bet you’ll say it without a hitch every time from now on
I haven’t decided whether to watch the video, since it is always strange to watch a real-life friend on tape…whaddya think? Should I?
Your eyes shook?! That is a frightening image. I’m glad you usually get to be in your comfort zone– ha!
Up to you whether you want to watch. But I guarantee it’s more awkward for me to see than it is for you.
Just watched the first piece. It’s great! Well done, lady.
great talk! I personally think nervous tics can enhance a performance. I often hold on to the mic stand (even if its not near me I can feel my free arm reaching for it) or cross my arms when I’m on stage.
Thanks. Dude, did you see me gripping my notebook for dear life? Hahaha!
Crap! There goes my big blog of woodworking with the dogs I love. Thanks for ruining it!
Seriously though, that was fantastic! I really think you should invite yourself to speak with Jon Acuff at the quitter conference. I would love to see what he’d say when you start dropping frogs on stage! Great job!
*snort!* Sorry, man.
I’d totally invite myself to Quitter– Jon and I talk about a lot of the same ideas– but I think it’s a one-man show.
Ahh, so glad Tyler used the camera that I walked into. I was TRYING to shut the door so we wouldn’t be distracted by the drum and bass session breaking out in the hallway. But you’re just to locked in to distract T.
And “you know” was the big one for me too. It is for most people, especially younger athletes during interviews. Easy to fix once we see those things on playback. Great job.
Thanks for being there, even if you did steal my camera shot.
I so wish I could have sat in the audience and gotten my boob squishing hug. You still owe me one
I loved putting your voice to your message(I’m also patting myself on the back for correctly knowing how to say your name).
I’m still not quite over the fact that you couldn’t make it. I will squish you and I will squish you good. Some day.
I say “indeed” all the time when I’m on the radio. And teaching middle school, my students have in the past counted how many times I’ve said certain words. Sigh.
I can’t wait to watch this. I should’ve been there. You rock.
And…I start every sentence with “Well” when I’m asked a question. Sigh.
“Let me say this to that…” yes, you definitely should have been there. Although, there probably would have been so much messing around, I would’ve been too busy to give my talk.
Nice job! And thanks so much for posting…
First off, the teeth/lip licking is probably more from cottonmouth than directly caused by being nervous (ie, it’s not a nervous tick, it’s dry mouth). And yes, the cottonmouth comes from nerves, but if you keep water handy (e.g., you don’t have to get off your stool to take a drink), you can take more frequent drinks and the lip-licking will disappear.
Second, you did a really great job — it was obvious when you got into the meat of the subject matter (no IYKWIM intended) because you got comfortable, started talking with your hands and all signs of nervousness disappeared.
As far as nervous ticks go, I have a hard time sitting still — there’s no way I could sit on a stool and talk for 45 minutes without something in front of me to hold onto (podium, music stand, anything). I tend to pace while I talk, even if I’m not nervous…. I would’ve been wandering all over the room if I was giving a talk like that.
Oh, by the way…. your tribe isn’t entirely made up of people that say ‘frog’…. some of us try not to say ‘frog’ ourselves, but we don’t take offense when others say it. (Does that mean we’re ‘frogging’ vicariously?
Good stuff!
I think you’re absolutely right– I made sure I had water with me, but I failed to make sure I could reach it!
And yeah, my niche being “Christians who say ‘frog’” doesn’t really mean my readers so much as it means the group of writers to which I belong. I actually have a lot of readers who aren’t Christians and a lot of readers who don’t say “frog.” But they all clearly enjoy reading in this funny little niche.
I Loved this! I loved hearing your voice and I feel like a huge nerd (something I’ve never been accused of!) because I’m busy taking notes and then rewinding and taking more notes so thank you! Very cool that you did this!
That you would find this note-worthy is a huge compliment. (And look who’s the nerd now. Ha.)
Thank you for sharing this – you did NOT frog it up at ALL! I actually REALLY appreciate your honesty about some blogs just being sh*tty, and that if you put in the work and have the passion, the audience will follow.
My hub asked me many months ago, “Would you give up your current followers for a million new ones?” I looked at him horror-stricken. No way, Jose! Like you said, having a loyal and engaged audience means so much more than having a big one.
Thanks, Jules! I’m glad it struck a chord.
(Bono voice) “That was pretty frogging brilliant.” /(Bono voice).
I don’t think there was anything that didn’t resonate with me.
That’s great to hear, thanks.
Ok, so I have a random suggestion of one place you could speak
. I am working on my speaker lineup for the 2012-2013 year of my worship/discussion program I facilitate in the Episcopal Diocese of South Florida…and I know you are a Floridian 
….I I would love to throw out there somewhere in the mix of you making it big in much more exciting venues 
…considering speaking to my collective of church and unchurched beautiful, wounded, gritty misfits (and those that fit too, I guess 
). Just throwing it out. Let me know if it sticks.
Oh, and on the dry mouth thing, I was once speaking to a class of graduating MSW students and my mouth got so dry I almost couldn’t form my words anymore–the kindly professor who had asked me to speak ran and got my water bottle filled at the 1.5 hour mark “intermission”–I was dying!
I’m honored, TB! Shoot me an email?
I really enjoyed these videos and appreciate you posting them, Tamara. You did great!
I finally got to watch this and LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!! You’ve got me thinking. You’ve challenged me. SINCERELY, thank you.
Aw, honey-pie. You are just too cute for words. And more than that, you’re smart. And more than that, you’re real. And on top of all that – you are also right. Really good stuff, T. Really. I’ve done tons of public speaking – teaching/seminars/preaching/retreats – and the tics are always around. Dry mouth is the pits and can cause all kinds of weird mouth movements. I hate seeing myself on tape. HATE it. But you I loved.
It could be argued that those “ticks” (aside from all the frogging) are what make your niche (“neesh”!) so alluring (I mean, inviting).
When teaching, I say “Interesting,” and “Okay” way too much. I hope my students’ notes don’t have a tally at the top marking my repetitions. Physically, when I’m finding my words, I look up often.
And, thank you. You have been the one person I don’t know personally who has done the most to make my writing feel not so ignored. Thank you.
Also, I somehow pictured you being louder. But I should have known your loudness doesn’t come with volume, but with wit.
Tamara! so great! so naturally you! So happy I got to be a fly on the wall through these videos.
SOOOO proud of you! You inspire me, friend. I needed your words today.
P.S. also you look as beautiful on camera as you do in person. Just lovely.
“I should have known your loudness doesn’t come with volume, but with wit.”
One of Tamara’s mama’s favorite comments.
Grammie is so proud of her granddaughter
Pingback: Tamára’s To-Do List (a book update & a guest post!) | Tamára Out Loud
I would have worn sneakers to an event like this; I always feel invincible in sneakers… but that’s me, and you don’t really give a shit, you know?
I know this was posted ages ago, but I didn’t check it and today I found it in the I’ll-read-all-my-blog-subscriptions-eventually archives and it was exactly what I needed today. You were/are no where close to frogging it up. Thank you.
So glad you heard it just when you needed to!