I had the black notebook, the gunmetal nail polish, and the red stilettos. My supremely talented friend at Sew in Harmony had tailored my jacket to say, “I’m professional and casual, all at the same time!” I had just enough nerves to give me energy and just enough confidence to give me calm.
The Killer Tribes Conference was a great place for my first speaking gig– a talk I titled “Embracing Your Niche: It’s Not As Dirty As It Sounds”– because I was surrounded by blogfriends who supported me. This also made it a great place for some messing around:
My friend Leanne Shirtliffe (IronicMom.com) couldn't make it from Canada, but she sent her world-traveling Things 1 & 2. We got close.
My friend Erin Love Taylor did an incredible job of designing business cards for me when I contacted her at the very last minute, and they greeted each guest to my session, along with a little chocolate-peanutbuttery persuasion:
When I say I'll bring the candy, I'LL BRING THE CANDY. Also I'll force my contact info on you. But it will LOOK GOOD.
New and old friends showed up to hear my talk (and a bunch of strangers did too, which was crazy). And the ever-Arkansasian-accented Tyler Tarver took a video of it, which he will have to share with us soon if we go to his site and lavish him with compliments/mildly veiled threats.
My extravagantly gracious hostess, Leigh Kramer (leighkramer.com), and my dear online-turned-real-at-last friend Joy Bennett (joyinthisjourney.com).
- Inaccurate depiction of height difference between the impossibly tall Clay Morgan (eduClaytion.com) and the delightfully miniature Jessica Buttram (meetthebuttrams.com).
One of the wildest things to happen at Killer Tribes was that people actually took notes on my talk and traded them with people who took notes at other breakout sessions. That my words were the stuff of barter has not yet ceased to humble and amaze me.
Thanks to Kim Wilson and Joy Bennett (to whom all photo credit here is due) and to Anne Bogel (roomie extraordinaire, from whom I received an entire additional bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups), I got to see with great relief that the notes people took meshed with the ones I had in my notebook and brain. Here’s a brief amalgamation of their notes:
Word was the Things were riveted.
My talk ended with about ten minutes left in the session, and I was afraid that not only did this mean I must’ve left out some poignant anecdote or essential words of wisdom, it also meant I would have to endure the silent disdain of a roomful of strangers and the loss of friendships predicated upon my now clearly false pretense of awesomeness. But none of that happened. I asked for questions and the audience had them. They were interested, and I got to do what I do best with a gathering of people: converse.
After my session, a few people hung around or caught up with me to talk more about what I’d shared and how it affected them. And I didn’t even bribe them with my extra candy.
Me and my first-ever stay-after audience member, Kim Wilson (newlifecalu.com).
My hostile phone prevented me from going on Twitter that weekend, but when I got home and looked on my computer, there was a lengthy page of Tweets filled with people’s quotes of my talk and their impressions.
I really feel sorry for those who aren't sitting in @tamaraoutloud's break out session right now. So good. #killertribes—
Sharideth Smith (@sharideth) March 31, 2012
Proof of a loyal audience: @tamaraoutloud's readers paid her way to #killertribes.—
Anne Bogel (@ModernMrsDarcy) March 31, 2012
"When I say frog, just think the f-word." Just one of the reasons I love @tamaraoutloud.—
Leigh Kramer (@hopefulleigh) March 31, 2012
If you don't know her by now… @tamaraoutloud. She's the best. #killertribes—
Jessica Buttram (@JButtWhatWhat) March 31, 2012
I left my session far more confident than when I went in, and I walked across the lobby to join a great big group of people who had become so much more than avatars and 140-character strings. I jumped up and down, red stilettos and all, shouting over and over, “I did it!” And they gathered me in for a picture, these people who’d proven a loyal niche. And I embraced it.
***
My friend Jeff tried to tell me I say niche pretentiously; I told him I say it correctly. How you do pronounce niche? “Neesh,” “nish,” or “nitch?”
Way to go Tamara! Sounds like an awesome time. I absolutely love this line: “To hear your calling you have to tune out the crowd.” Somewhere within, we all want approval and affirmation, but to do what we’re called to do means not basing our decisions on opinion polls and wind directions. Excellent stuff!
““To hear your calling you have to tune out the crowd.” Somewhere within, we all want approval and affirmation, but to do what we’re called to do means not basing our decisions on opinion polls and wind directions.” Right? That really hit home for me too.
True that. I lean too much on external information to tell me how to live. What’s popular or acceptable isn’t always best or right. That’s a tough lesson to learn well.
Thanks, Paul! I actually used the conversation you and I had in the comments of my first Killer Tribes post as inspiration.
That is too cool, Tamara! I’m in my mid-40s and finally starting to grow up. Not sure what I’m going to be when I get there, but I’m trying to believe confidently I am on the right path. Not sure where writing and “tribe-ing” will fit but I think that will come in time.
I love hearing you say that! At 42, I’m just beginning to feel as though I’ve started on a path toward being the person I was meant to be. Even now, though, the picture of that person is still fuzzy in my head. I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one.
I think your blog hates me for not coming to Killer Tribes cause it deleted my wonderfully cogent comment(not enough coffee consumed to remember it either). I love how your focus was on the giver not building a huge bloggy world fan club. And I totally pronounce niche by its French sounding “neesh.” Tres Chic.
I’m glad that part resonates with you– seems so overlooked by so many.
You would have loved the conference! Here’s to KT2013.
Neesh? But then again, I’ve said ether-real for ethereal and burried for buried for the longest time.
I’m excited to see the video. This quarter in school one of my projects is a themed photography portfolio. I had some ideas but I kept coming back to one specific idea. I wanted to avoid it because it would be tough, and not just from a technical aspect, but from an emotional one. I realized that my call to this project was going to be unsettling to some but that for me it would be my Truth.
It’s in the beginning stages but it feels right. I know that feeling of chasing the audience. My brainstorming ideas were all over the place. Ultimately I realized that I was trying to decide what my classmates would like instead of what I needed to do for me.
And since I need validation from my professor, I sent him some test shots and he said, “YES! This is it!” and encouraged me to keep going. If no one but my class sees my portfolio, I know that it will be okay. I know that what I’ve done is important if only for me.
Congratulations – sassy red shoes, gunmetal polish (I think I have three bottles of the same) and kicking ass at Killer Tribes!! I NEED to see that video.
What a great story– thanks for sharing. I’m glad your professor gave you the encouragement you needed. Go, Wendi, go!
“Nitch,” definitely.
Can’t wait to see the video!
Keep your focus on him, even as you’re realizing how insanely valuable to others. Because you were insanely valuable to Him first. =)
Also, who doodles like that? My doodles look like puke compared to that.
Isn’t Christine’s picture great?! She has notes for (almost?) all the other speakers too– check ‘em out at her site.
Thanks so much for your gracious reminder.
Thanks, Adrian, but I gotta come clean…I can’t do this on the fly during a session! I do take regular-people-ugly-with-words notes to start with.
And yes, I think I got all the speakers…someone let me know if i missed any??
Real and messy (and random) I’ve got in spades. Perhaps have spent too much time and effort pandering. My bad. Just need to remember Who this is all for (and hone my craft).
Great recap. Looks like you kicked it and took names.
Chad, I think that willingness to examine yourself and your work honestly is a brilliant beginning. And also a hard one. Keep going.
Til they nail shut my coffin, ma’am.
Love this. And it’s neesh. Like, will you come into my neesh? IYKWIM. Glad my things got to know you. But I wish I were there! Thanks for sharing your wisdom. Again.
I knew we’d have similar thoughts about “niche.”
I loved getting close to the Things, but they were no replacement for the Real Thing. xo
Extravagantly gracious? Pshaw. It was an honor to have you in my home and have all that bonus time with you. #iykwim
Please, you really were. And it was nothing but a pleasure to spend the night. Twice. IYKWIM
Sigh. Would have loved to make it three…
AB FAB of course. But I’m afraid I do say ‘nitch’ more often than ‘neesh.’ I’ll work on that, because of course, my deepest desire is to be one of the cool kids.
And I sure wish I sat next to someone who doodles/takes notes like that. WOW.
Step 2, baby.
You can sit next to me anytime!!
Good stuff. Thanks for the more complete version of the outline.
My usual pronunciation is a 4th variation – ‘neetch’. I do realize that ‘neesh’ is the correct punction. I grew up saying ‘nitch’, not realizing that the actual word was “niche” (talking 30 years ago), and I’ll still say ‘nitch’ if I’m talking to a dumb hick like myself, so’s I don’t confuse ‘em. or myself.
I thought maybe you were going all literary. “Nietzsche.”
Me? All literary? You know the odds of that are slim and none….
Funny thing is, been in a seminar all day, and all the instructors are saying ‘nitch’. Of course, we’re west coast hicks, so it shouldn’t be surprising.
Besides, I thought Nietzsche was a linebacker for the Green Bay Packers…..
I say “neesh” and, given the picture of Thing one and Thing two, I’d say your talk was a great success. Congratulations! I’m so proud of you.
Well they *were* a captive audience.
Thank you!
So interesting!
Thanks!
Yay for you! And yay for me because, as you saw on my FB page, I’m having an existential blogger moment (turned into days), and this helps me regroup, refocus, rethink, reassess, remember. In short, I needed this today.
Thank you, Tamara. I can’t wait to watch you in person at one of your next events.
I’m so glad it helps, Renee. xo
what a bunch of nerds in that last pic.
Well you know how I feel about nerds.
love your notes (briefed) and your notes (illustrated)
As an artist, I see these words of life and Life applying to the creative heart which includes writing, blogging, red shoe wearing…but stretches out to other gifts & callings. Thank you for diving in big style, willing to make the bellyflop as neccessary. Your heart & hard work show.
And SHEESH, people, it’s neesh!
Yes, yes! This applies to answering *any* calling.
Awesome, definitely notes that apply to my current situation. Cannot wait to see the video!
I’m so glad it reaches you where you are. I can’t wait to see (and share) it either!
For me it’s “nitch”. And I refuse to be considered a hick for this pronunciation, thankyouverymuch
And that picture of the Things being riveted is priceless.
I give you a pass in honor of your Midwestern comfort food inclinations.
WHAT is GOING ON in the picture with Clay? I can’t explain the optical illusion of being roughly the same size.
Pretty pumped to see this up for the world to take in. (Not just us Killer Tribes nerds.
My theory is that you’re on a ladder and he’s kneeling. At the same time.
Thanks for the great notes and tweets. My only complaint is that I didn’t get to hang out with you even close to enough. I wonder if I could’ve fit you in there with the Things and carried you around like a Baby Bjorn. Next year.
Haha! You’re awesome Tamara. Really wishing I could’ve been there, but glad it was a smashing success.
(I suppose you could say “smashing” w/ a British accent to make it sound pretentious, but I say niche “neesh” so whatevs)
I am *definitely* reading “smashing” with a British accent. I say it’s not pretentious if it sounds good.
It would’ve been awesome to have you there, KC. Next year!
I gotta say, I picked the wrong session to miss! I SOOOOO wish I had been able to participate in this crazy fun-ness firsthand. And get candy. Not that Jeff’s session wasn’t good. It was. And so were Carlos and Stephen’s….ARGH…I need clones.
The only complaint I’ve heard about Killer Tribes was that people had to choose among the breakout sessions. Not gonna lie, though– I kinda liked being fought over.
Thanks again for the incredible illustrated notes!
Great recap! But sorry, folks, it’s not the same as being there
So glad you were there in real life and we got to meet!
Neesh. Definitely neesh. Love this so much…wish I could have heard you in person. Maybe next year!
Girl after my own heart. Yes, next year– plan on it!
Congratulations, it sounds as though you did a great job! Thanks so much for sharing the notes, too – really great advice. I just celebrated my one year blog anniversary yesterday, and one of the consistent struggles I’ve experienced in that year is the internal struggle over whether to do what I want or to do what I think will build my readership. I’ve always sided with writing for myself. That’s not to say that I don’t take my readers into consideration – I try to be honest without offending, etc. But if I feel the need to write about something specific, I do it whether I think I’ll get a response or not. It’s reassuring to hear you say that we should be who we are, and practice writing in our own unique voices – or at least that is what I’m taking out of this
Congrats on your first year! I think which route you go depends on what kind of blog you want to have– but it sounds like you’re aiming for the kind of place where authenticity comes before audience. So this talk really is applicable for you, and I’d encourage you to keep at what you’re doing with a lot of patience and purpose.
Thank you – that’s a helpful kind of encouragement. It’s hard to be patient sometimes, when you see those follower numbers creeping up ever so slowly. Authenticity is a great touchstone word! I want to be the authentic me! Ultimately, it would be far too much work and too hard to fake it for the sake of achieving an “instant” audience, anyway – and then where are you? Continue faking it or be yourself and risk losing them anyway? Thanks for the reply, it means a lot.
I pronounce it nitch. Is that bad? What does it say about me?
BRAVO Darling! This is one of many milestones on your journey of greatness.
I truly am so happy for you!
Well you also say “bravo” and “darling,” so I think it says you’re a classy gal with a range of pronunciation preferences.
Terrific post, fantastic message, and sounds like your gig was a truly enviable good time, Tamara. As for how to pronounce niche, I use all three. “Neesh,” if I want to sound proper and pretentious, “nitch,” if I’m feeling like my regular old country-boy self, and “nish” if I’m feeling rather half-hearted about the whole pronunciation thing. I’ve also used the fourth pronunciation as another commentor mentioned above: “Neetch.” That’s when I’m feeling stubborn or rebellious. Or like if I just heard somebody pronounce the “t” in often.
Hahaha! I hate hearing the “t” in “often!”
Wow, that’s some real and sincere advise. I love it.
Glad I stopped by.
Thanks, Beth. Welcome!
I can’t wait for the video. The recap was fantastic. Now I just want to sit down with you and learn all you have to teach about embracing my nitch/neesh/nish/neetch. Can we have coffee? Being a newbie blogger, I have so much to learn and I certainly struggle with my blogging “voice.” As for the pronunciation of niche…when I first started life coaching school (which is an international school) everyone was talking about neesh and I could NOT figure out what the heck they were talking about…ha! It wasn’t until I saw the word written down that I realized it was niche. I think I may have missed the overall message of the class by pondering the whole neesh vs nitch dilemma. I’m rolling over to the neesh side, because it sounds more intellectual and I want to fool em all
.
There’s got to be a way for me to do a little video where you all can pull up a chair and we chat over coffee. Let me think about it!
“Have confidence in Who made you and gifted you. You have a choice, and you have to make it: Will you cater to the opinion of people or live in response to your Maker?”
Big words. Great words.
But mostly, I’m excited because you’re a blogger named Tamara.
And so am I.
Two Tamaras – very cool.
Thanks, Tamara– glad those lines sink deep with you.
And if you haven’t seen it already: “Tamara, Literally Out Loud” http://tamaraoutloud.com/2011/05/31/tamara-literally-out-loud/
Congratulations. So, this isn’t a very helpful comment.
You know I appreciate it.
Reblogged this on Not a PhD Thesis and commented:
It’s been a while since I’ve posted because I’ve been quite busy. I have an transfer/upgrade interview for my PhD tomorrow (essentially so that the university can know that I can get a PhD and not just an MPhil). I’ve also been involved with a new student academic law journal, Westminster Law Review. (I am on the committee.) But I wanted to share with you this post from a person who, in my view, is the best blogger I’ve ever read. She had just given her first ever speaking gig.
Congrats Tamára…
“Honoring your gift honors the Giver, and that is success.”
Thank you, Frank!
If you say it the right way, “nitch,” then it isn’t dirty.
If you say it the wrong way, “neesh” or whatever it is some of you say, then it sounds SOOO dirty…
Just kidding. I have no clue how to say it, and I’m so glad you all had an awesome time.
Are you kidding? “Nitch” sounds way dirtier than “neesh!”
“Don’t give it shit what anyone else thinks”. Favorite bullet point. I think the best thing to build a tribe and just write is to be yourself. It sucks to build a tribe on someone you are not. That will get stale quickly (and it must be exhausting).
Looked like you kicked some ass and took some names.
Thanks, Moe! I love that although most people pick out a more “inspirational” line as their favorite, you honed in on that one. Because it’s true– you can’t give a shit. You just gotta DO.
You killed it. Awesome talk.
Also, I think my nitch might involve fedoras and/or custom pool cues. That sounds like kind of a boring blog though…
Matt, it was so great to meet you! Thanks for coming to my session. And you should definitely keep rockin’ the fedoras.
Tamara… just a little shout out to you, for all the smiles that you bring to your readers. I just love your words, and I hope that some of my readers will now follow you, as well.
In my opinion, you have easily earned the blogging Sunshine Award!
Congrats!!
http://pauseandsmile.com/2012/04/26/here-comes-the-sun-little-blogger-here-comes-the-sun/
Aw, thank you, Carol!
Gotta love number 2. And I say “nitch”, but I purposely say it softly for fear that I’m wrong. Damn, that kind of breaks rule number 2 doesn’t it?
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