When I gave out a few gifts here at Christmas time, I had no idea one of them would demand so much from me. Shawn Smucker won a guest post, and as we began talking on Twitter, I learned that fostering children was a topic close to his family’s heart, and so I admitted, quietly as you can on a giant social network, that I had once been a foster mom.
It isn’t something I talk about often or in detail because, years after we stopped fostering, the emotional tangle of it all is still so often too much. And I certainly hadn’t been able to write about it yet. Writing, for me, is the most personal expression of the heart. I had never felt quite ready.
But Shawn and I became friends, and his care with writing and for people were the gentle push I needed. His would be the place to entrust this story. It was time to write a small piece, to begin to unravel the tangle.
So I wrote just a part of a story long waiting, and I grieved hard through the writing. But I came out on the other side of the page a little more solid than when I ventured in. And I’m grateful for the catharsis of finally telling this story in the way I know best– in writing, the most personal expression of the heart.
Please join me at Shawn’s blog today for my first story on fostering, Mama for a Moment.
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On March 27, Shawn’s e-book, Building a Life Out of Words, will be available on Kindle, Nook, and PDF. He tells the story of hitting rock bottom and moving his family into his parents’ basement, where, incredibly, he found his purpose: Writing. His brave story of making a living as a writer is an inspiration, and his beautiful storytelling is a gift.
You can join his mailing list to get a free chapter and a link to pre-order the book.
Thanks for your kind words and your willingness to share such a beautiful post. And thanks for spending an entire day showing my family around Gainesville when your own family could have kept you busy for the day. You’re a good friend.
Totally my pleasure– all of it. Grateful our paths have crossed.
How beautiful and heartbreaking. You have to know and believe in your heart, that no matter how difficult it was to say goodbye and how much you miss your little man, you gave him the most precious gifts… LOVE and a chance at a beautiful life.
I do know I gave him love, and once in a while, knowing that is enough. Thanks for your kind words, Casey.
Excited to check this out – fostering is near and dear to our hearts. Thanks for being willing to be vulnerable, Tamara.
Thanks for checking it out. What’s your connection to fostering?
Tamara – I’ve never commented before but your open, broken heart about being a foster mom inspired me to write the following. I’ll probably set to music. I blended your story with a family within my church who also foster children. Hope you don’t mind that I stole your title…MAMA FOR A MOMENT
The man brought me two pixies
Around lunchtime, early spring
Left them with one suitcase
Wasn’t much but everything
Baby girl held her red rabbit
Close to her skinny chest
Her 6- yr-old brother held his breath
Wondering what would happen next
Soon enough those two kids
Were ear-to-ear in smiles
We read books and played hard
Sang loud down country miles
They learned to pray to Jesus
About worries on their hearts
The things they told Him right out loud
Nearly tore me right apart
MAMA FOR A MOMENT
I KNEW THEY COULDN’T STAY
BUT MY LOVE KEPT POURING OUT
OVER THEIR SOULS EVERY DAY
TIME’S A GIFT AND TIME’S A CURSE
WOUND UP TIGHT WITHIN THIS LIFE
WHEN YOU’RE MAMA FOR A MOMENT
IT’S PARADISE AND SACRIFICE
Five days before Christmas
Reality came on in
Their parents were now ready
To have them home again
Even though it was expected
I really wasn’t brave
They left with suitcases, presents and toys
And all the memories that we made
MAMA FOR A MOMENT
I KNEW THEY COULDN’T STAY
BUT MY LOVE KEPT POURING OUT
OVER THEIR SOULS EVERY DAY
TIME’S A GIFT AND TIME’S A CURSE
WOUND UP TIGHT WITHIN THIS LIFE
WHEN YOU’RE MAMA FOR A MOMENT
IT’S PARADISE AND SACRIFICE
I didn’t have a say; I didn’t have a right
To love so very deeply; to hold on oh so tight
I spend time now on my knees
Cause my days fill with tears
I pray God is watching them
And I pray that God is near
I WAS MAMA FOR A MOMENT
I KNEW THEY COULDN’T STAY
BUT MY LOVE KEPT POURING OUT
OVER THEIR SOULS EVERY DAY
TIME’S A GIFT AND TIME’S A CURSE
WOUND UP TIGHT WITHIN THIS LIFE
WHEN YOU’RE MAMA FOR A MOMENT
IT’S PARADISE AND SACRIFICE
May you be blesssed for being a blessing to your little guy, your family and us your blog readers, Tamara.
I’m honored that my words inspired yours, Jody.
Glad to have found your words, both at Shawn’s and here at your webby home; your story telling has bid me to sit and stay a while.
Thanks so much, Robin. Warm welcome.