Every so often I share on Twitter or Facebook the ridiculous/hilarious/wildly inappropriate search terms people use that land them at TOL, and sometimes I even take a stab at answering the inquiries. But I’ve got a lot to do right now, so today I thought I’d just let the search terms talk among themselves:
what’s tamara up to? harvard porn for women sexy men folding laundry.
if i say it out loud in faith will she marry me? nerds are cool and make good husbands.
i want to start running for exercise, will that be a sin? check out tamara’s ass. (zumba littlemore tamara.)
“how to go without meat for 30 days,” “giving someone a pickle,” “ff’ing on twitter,” “frequently freshly pressed”: how to say something with a double meaning.
as a woman have you ever cried at the thought of taking an enema? constipated shitting skye. (how loud is that shit in rl?)
what words can i swap out for curse words in a book? grab tamara; teach tamara.
hot hipster, drunk without a condom– is tamara pregnant? baby shower hipster!
are you a good whore quiz: loud boobs, hot stuff sign, loud sheets, callgirl glasses.
we hate tamara. won’t somebody sexy tell on her?
***
If you have a site with search terms, what good ones have you had lately?
Also, I’m not pregnant.
Why do you hate me?
Hilarious!
Glad you enjoyed it.
Hilarious! love the enema bit.
I can just hear someone muttering to himself, “Constipated shitting sky!”
Ha. Well, I don’t turn up often in search engines. For about a week, I kept getting hits on “I wasn’t raptured.” More often than not, though, I get people searching “I’m a terrible Christian.” Oh the things we confess to our search engines…
So true! I get all the dirty confessions, evidently.
Much better
Couldn’t have done it without you guys getting the ideas going. (Like an enema?)
I think my current fav search term is: “gag pregnancy tests.” It brings to me things that are only awful.
That sounds awful!
How accurate is that?
I don’t even know how to react. This is so hilarious. I didn’t know that blogs could catch search terms, much less link what someone is searching for (enema) to a blog (zumba?).
huh.
It is outta control.
‘elvis’ head on jesus’ body’… ‘yep, you need reading glasses’… ‘deviantart anime face maker’… ‘months that it rained in 2008 in california’… based on these search terms, nit sure what that says about me or my blog!
Clearly you are diversified!
love fart
twitter bird hole
this relationship is going to kill me
female maustabation guide (my response – you’re already doing it wrong)
chastity belt ladies
red flags choke dating
i’ve got a million of them. those were just from the last couple of days.
“You’re already doing it wrong.” Hahahahaha!
wow. these are ridiculous.
Welcome to my world.
So far, the search terms I get are much more PG than y’all.
I wrote a post comparing a 6th grade band concert to a set of Giant Bagpipes. I’ve had multiple hits from people searching Giant Bagpipe. Really? Who is looking for a Giant Bagpipe? (a Giant Scotsman?)
Also, I invented a fictitious medical term: vitriol fibrillation. I get multiple searches for that. (It’s heart stopping madness)
I love that people are searching for your fake medical term. And also I’m frightened.
It is frightening. I think it’s bound to catch on and will soon be featured by real experts, like Dr. Phil.
Here’s the definition: http://amuseorbemused.com/glossary-of-vocabularia-obscura/definition-vitriol-fibrillation/
so funny!
Yesterday I had three search terms in a row that seemed so strange listed together: armpit hair, sweaty granny, kicking balls.
That is a vivid image. *snort!*
Those are just hilarious.
It’s never dull on my search page.
My recent favorite search on my blog was “white boys cock”. I was laughing for days every time I thought of it.
Dirty blog you’re running there, gal.
*tears of laughter* oh my word. I’m going to be laughing for days myself!
Here are my two best ones. They are not as good as yours, but still left me thinking, “Huh?”
“stranger in my own skin” “what does it mean”
“guy giving homeless girl”
Hmmm…giving homeless girl what?
Thanks for the laugh!
J
I think Erika’s search term has the answer.
Ahaha! this is hilarious, I often laugh at my search terms, they’re far too often scarily connected to sex activities.
Checking my dashboard today I find “encrypted_search_terms”.. not sure whether someone was trying to find a way to encrypt their search terms or if these are really encrypted!
I’ve been getting some of those lately– no fun!
Nope, no fun, not as much as “Steps for blowjobs”. I swear I’ve never written about how to give a blowjob!
Suuuuure.
By far the most frequent awful search term leading to my blog is “brother sex” and its variants such as “sex with my son.”
I get quite a few hits for “poop stories” and “epic poop stories.” And “feminine pads for potty training.” And Mark Driscoll. Related?
I get “brother sex” a lot too. AS A SEARCH TERM. I bet we both get it because of the guest post I did for you. Oops.
Probably my favorite terms from my own blog are “essay on pizza and pizza rolls” (which is more humorous: that somebody was searching in the first place or that they found what they were looking for on my blog?) and “what does call of god mean michael bennett” (if I knew that I’d probably be writing books, not blog posts). Close third: “ars moriendi фанфик гарри поттер.”
Russian people apparently think Harry Potter is hiding somewhere in your blog!
Haha that’s awesome! I didn’t even think to translate it. There is in fact an essay on Harry Potter although how anyone in Russia would know about my blog is ridiculous to me in the first place.
I cannot believe you have an essay on pizza and pizza rolls and failed to show it to me.
Ask and ye shall receive http://www.wildmikebennett.com/blog/?p=747 I wrote it way way back before I got into Twitter on my old blog and reposted it in the middle of a move so it probably got swept under the rug pretty quick.
Sinful running?! Or maybe they meant running from sin? Or wait… Maybe there’s not a difference! Ha!
That one was so sweetly innocent, especially in light of some of the crazy stuff I get. I wanted to tell the searcher that I was pretty sure (s)he was in the clear!
I recently made a post about this… recently I had a few hits for “hippie porn” and then “free hippie porn.”
I guess saving money IS important in this economy! hahahahah.
I cannot believe some of the crazy stuff people type to get to all of our blogs. Amazing!
Makes sense, I guess. I mean, the hippies invented “free love…”
Well. And if you’re gonna do something, might as well do it well. So I applaud those searching a quiz to make sure they’re the best (whore) there is.
This is so funny!
I know. I really hope the search term answers I provided helped them out.
The majority of my search terms are about facial hair (I did a series on hair…it was popular).
Although today I have “mare smear poo” which is new!
Wow. That is a whole new level, Amanda.
I see a theme forming and I had nothing to do with it. Search that lead to my blog-
my wife is pregnantand i think i have anxiety o fear.
Yep. I cover that type of thing ALL. The. Time.
Oh no, poor guy!
Sisters having sex got someone to mine recently
That is supremely disgusting. (Congratulations?)
Wow! You have some good ones!! My ultimate favorite is “nude county fair queen”. : ) I have no words for the person who was searching for that.
You mean you didn’t post your nude county fair pics? Some queen you are. Pssh.
TOO FUNNY!
But I clearly need to write more ridiculously.
Here are some of mine:
Burger chopsticks (what the heck are those?).
Kiss de biscuit (whatever the hell that means).
I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient’s friends (quite true).
Why apple is better than windows (because it is)
Buku Sumpit (I’m clearly missing something here).
I’ve been abducted by aliens (unfortunate, but at least they use Google too).
Beeg air hostess (super-sized much?).
Loved this! I’ve got a couple of good ones:
Red heads can’t deliver sperm
Unpredictable Sister in law
What kind of bra does Lois wear on smallville? (I did a popular post on the blue bra incident in Egypt)
Best one’s I have had so far are “Do Muslims Tebow” and “In America You Are Not Required to Feed the Hungry”.
I’ll have to check again. mine are never this obtuse!