Today’s hilarious guest post comes from Chad Jones of Randomly Chad. It’s not for the faint of heart, the easily offended, or the humorless. In other words, it’s perfect for my readers. Enjoy! –Tamara
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The following is true. Names have been changed to protect the innocent… Well, that’s not true. To keep my sorry rear out of a sling, names are not being given. All I can tell you is that this is about a friend.
This friend loves–no, absolutely adores–Zynga’s Words With Friends, the company’s follow-up to their hell-spawned– I hesitate to say– “game,” Farmville. And like that game, this online “Scrabble” can be quite addicting.
My friend is as tenacious as a bulldog when playing, and will try any word combination. I mean any.
The interesting thing about this game, really, is that you can actually learn words that you never knew were words. (Like when said friend’s son came home from camp, announcing that he’d learned a new phrase–”blue waffle.” Awesome, right? Well, not so much. I could’ve gone a lifetime without that mental image.)
As Tamara would say, Ahem.
So my friend–who grew up in a Christian home, and as a result truly did have a sheltered upbringing–was stuck in a particularly difficult game and called me:
“Can I play c*nt?”
“Wait, what?”
“Can I play the word c*nt?”
“NO! Don’t you know what it means?”
“No, should I?”
“Never mind. Try something else.”
The mind boggles. Oh, to be so innocent.
***
It was only later that I came to find out that you can’t actually, you know, play that word in Words With Friends. Not because I tried or anything. Ahem.
Have you ever had an awkward word blunder?
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Chad is a Christ-follower, husband to his awesome wife, Lisa, and dad to two great kids. He lives with his family in the Arizona desert. The jury is still out on the effect the sun has had on his brain. He blogs five days a week at Randomly Chad, and you can follow him on Twitter at @randomlychad.
Yes. I want to win so I have played a few awkward words. Tit is just one example.
I’ve played you, Rob. You are indeed as tenacious as a bulldog in WWF. (and I’ve used that word, too).
“Can’t”? “Cent”?
…ohhhhhh. I see what you did there.
Yes, exactly. Ahem.
I have a friend who shall remain anonymous because he is a big-shot famous lawyer — and he and I once tried to purposely play a naughty word only game of WWF. Thing is when you TRY to play it naughty, it just doesn’t happen.
We couldn’t keep it up, IYKWIM.
It’s when PENIS magically shows up on your tiles that makes it impossible to resist. And G-d invented that. So.
Some temptations are indeed hard to resist.
So many things I want to say, so few of them appropriate.
One of the things I love when reading Chad’s post are the words with stars. By the way, I actually remember hearing the word c*nt for the first time and the word sn*tch. Oh, to be that innocent again.
For reals, Larry. There’s so much I wish I could “un-know.” Lord help me set my mind on the things above.
Well before our cultural awareness was tweaked by living outside the country my wife went on a short-term mission trip to Peru. Her Spanish was crappy and her understanding of colloquial slang even worse. During girls swim time at a camp she attended she intended to encourage the girls to have a race, but instead incited a competition to search for a Man’s Unit. Let’s go, everyone, who can win the ________(insert Peruvian slang for Package).
The panic she described on the faces of the local ministry workers led her to believe something was awry.
Oh, my! That is the epitome of awkward! It’s those darn cognates, you know? Words that sound quite alike, but mean entirely different things. (Insert Randy “Big Unit” Johnson joke here).
Heard a story similar to that one time…. A young lady missionary was going to be working in a church in Mexico or South America, don’t remember exactly where, but it was somewhere where the word for “pregnant” was “embarazada” or something like that.
The pastor was very glad to have her on board and when he introduced her, he really made her sound great, probably a little too much so. Being humble, she felt a little shy, that the intro would be hard to live up to. When she was asked to say a few words which she did in their language, she told the congregation that, because the intro was a little too much, she was “embarazada” (pregnant) and “it was all the pastors” fault,
Oops…
By chance, her name wasn’t “Hester,” was it?
That is a faux pas of amazingly awkward proportions!
Thanks for sharing!
AWESOME.
I refuse to play wwf. I came to a level of acceptance with scramble, but wwf is pushing it! Scramble used to p— me off having “words” that even THEY couldn’t define! However, when I’d put up words found in my f’ing dictionary, they weren’t accepted. It was the challenge of finding the words in the scramble. And watching word iq drop cause of typos. Just don’t think i have what it takes to go through that again. God bless their loyal fans. write on! Loved the blog, in case I forgot to say that. Thanks Chad, thanks Tamara. btw, how did you all set this up?
You mean Urban Dictionary? I can see why those words wouldn’t be accepted.
Just kidding.
There is indeed a certain level of frustration that is part and parcel of the WWF experience. One just has to accept it. When I play, I just try to soldier on no matter how “bad” my letters are.
And for the record, though I don’t believe she plays, I would be afraid to play Tamara–she would slaughter me.
That’s ’cause I don’t use asterisks.
Touché
Do you mean how did we set up the guest post? Chad sent it in when I asked for submissions over the summer, and it was one of the ones I selected. If you’re interested, keep a look out– I’ll be doing it again in about a month or so.
Hahaha! This is awesome. Is it bad that I’m relieved to hear someone had a more sheltered upbringing than I did? I mean, I don’t know when I learned that particular word but it was at least by high school/college.
No, it’s not bad at all. Personally, I could’ve done with a more sheltered upbringing (instead of the very permissive one I had).
I admit it. I had to look it up. I am too sheltered! LOL Enjoyed reading.
Which one did you look up? Never mind. Don’t wanna know.
Totally… some things are better left unsaid!
Ohhh. I hope you didn’t look up “blue waffle.” You did, didn’t you? *cringe*
I did… and I haven’t even had breakfast yet
(
Nooooooo! Poor Jo. Poor sweet Jo.
My apologies, ladies.
I hear the Waffle House has great breakfasts!
Oh, sorry. My bad.
Indeed… I will never be the same again.
MEMO TO SELF: Accept ignorance as your friend. DO NOT Google terms from blogs that you do not understand because odds are you don’t want to see the results!
See? That’s exactly the thing I have trouble with. That, and I have a teenager bringing home colorful phrases (that I find myself “researching” in Urban Dictionary).
Ahahahaha! I almost wrote a warning about not looking up any words from this post, but I was afraid it would tempt. I can see now that perhaps it would’ve been helpful.
HAHA! That’s awesome. I’ve played WWF w/ my pastor friends and we both used swear words.
This reminds me of Taylor Mali’s bit “Playing Scrabble w/ Eddie” (http://grooveshark.com/s/Playing+Scrabble+With+Eddie/2HW2cN?src=5)
Wait. Are you saying that you play WWF with Mark, the Cussing Pastor? Awesome!
Guys that ran the college newspaper used to try sneak stuff in occasionally, especially on the sports page. It helped playing in a conference with Oregon State….. Here’s the actual headline I remember that was in the Daily Bruin after a basketball win, sometime in the early 80′s:
“Beavers muff chance to snatch victory from Bruins.”
No asterisks necessary because we’re talking about sports, right? And no, I’m not kidding…
I saved the paper (now lost). I think the headline was “Beavers Muff Chance to Snatch Pac-10 Lead.” At that point, I knew that the Daily Bruin was just a rag.
Those guys were sure some cunning linguists, weren’t they?
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i play someone who is quite possibly the holiest man on the planet and invariably end up with the only option of playing body parts.
including “vulva”. i apologized. he turned it plural and asked if that made me feel better. it did until my next turn when i had to play “boob”.
Ha! I wouldn’t feel bad about “boob”– I’m sure he was more than happy to turn that plural. Most guys like a full pair.
So many well-gifted things I want to say here, but most are inappropriate. <–see what I did there?
Sharideth is a monster at WWF–she tears it up! In fact, Tamara, if you start playing, and you play her, can I sell the popcorn at the epic showdown?
I grew up in a very sheltered environment, but I have managed to not have blunders of that magnitude. I’m sure I have heard some, but I’m blank right now. I did chuckle when the online computer played “crap” in my Qwerty game the other day. I thought, “well, if you’re going to play that way…” but I didn’t have any opportunities in that game to try anything stronger.
Darn it! I’d love to have seen you give the computer a taste of its own medicine.
I grew up learning to speak both French and English (French mum), so when it came to expressing myself as a youngster, I sometimes substituted the best possible option (in my head) and translated it. When I was about six, I was at a big family feast. When Mémé asked me if I would like some more food, I responded, “Non merci. Je suis plein!” – thinking I was saying, “No thanks. I’m full”, when in fact I said, “No thanks. I’m pregnant!”
Much hilarity… regular mealtime joke since… blah blah
WWF sucks, but I still play it with some friends. I play online Scrabble with others (the more discerning ones…). Both have a long list of foibles.
Everything just sounds better in French.
Naturellement…
I was NOT sheltered in my upbringing. This has made it very difficult for me, falling in love with a woman who was. I now find myself saying grace before meals and watching the swear words around her. When I am alone, I do stumble. But I think, no- I KNOW- I like myself much better without those words. Her nickname- and she never really explained to me how she got it- is “Muffin”. I just can’t bring myself to call her that.
Doc, I get you. The way I was raised, virtually nothing was off limits–including language. It may be cliché (but nonetheless true), being married to my wife, I want to be a better man. Sounds like it’s quite the same for you.
But it sure is nice to be able to let my hair down here, and have some fun!
I shall remain ignorant. Until curiousity wins out.
A wise course, Matt. Trust me on this.
Ok, can’t use the word c*nt, which – despite the negative connotations – God created, but could probably use gun or rifle or drugs. Go figure!
You mean in the game, or IRL? I’m confused.
I sometimes play WWF with my husband. I started a game. The first word I made was “penis.” I could have made “pines” or “snipe” but, well, you know…
Well, Leanne, some temptations are indeed harder to resist than others, but let me just go on record–as I’ve played WWF with you–and say how happy I am that you’ve never whipped that word out on me!
Wow. Just… wow.
I know, right?
So, I’ve raised my kids in a pretty sheltered home. Wide world view as we lived all over the world, but narrow behaviorally. One evening we were sitting around telling stories and I said something that my 5 kids thought was funny (oh what a miracle) and my youngest – a boy, then 12, looked at me and laughed and shook his head and said endearingly “Oh Mom! You’re such a slut..!” We laughed so hard – he was completely mortified when we told him what it meant.
Oh, my stars! I believe my 13yo has done much the same a time or two.
That is *hilarious*!
Wow! the comments on your blog are always the best!
Always get a good laugh from them. Nice post, when innocence is gone.. it’s gone
I remember the first time I saw the waffle that’s not a waffle was from a generous followers twitpic. I will be eternally grateful for that one.
I think it would be very good for sex ed that one. *gag*
I was the sheltered-upbrung (bet that won’t fly on this WWF, though too much else flies on the other one) one, and I’ve had several times when someone else got all huffy or surprised, and I said, “what?”
For example, I had no idea what “hot” really meant when used as an adjective describing a woman. I thought it was a compliment (which, I’m also now finding out, is rarely wanted by many women from many men, but that’s another story), but it went out of control in one case. Somebody mentioned she was done for the day and ready for “hot yoga.” First off, I should’ve looked that up on Wikipedia or something first, but I tried to compliment by saying something like, “hot yoga for a hot lady?” I later explained to her offended husband that I meant it as a compliment, and honestly had no idea it meant anything other than “drop-dead gorgeous.” (Which, in today’s society, probably also has been twisted from the original meaning.)
I’ve made enough of these that I don’t compliment people anymore. Sorry, but I won’t even show you the scars that brought that on.
P.S. You know I’ve got to Google “blue waffle” now … though not on the computer at work. I want to be prepared this time.